You know those people whose lives are going so well you hate them, their lives, their well manicured lawns, and all they stand for? I am that person. My life is so fabulous, I almost despise myself. I am thinking of telling everyone about a fictitious problem, just so people stop giving me the stink eye.
As an example, my birthday included a surprise party thrown by some lawyers I work with. Okay, so I arranged the surprise party... but since no one who planned it realized I arranged it, it was doubly impressive. And they really did go above and beyond with the cake and the flowers. Yes, that was me on the train going home with a bouquet of flowers - you might have noticed me when you thought, "Tch, who is that with flowers, and how great is her life? I am filled with irrational rage just seeing her and her happiness."
I would tell you about the gift I got from Tiffany's, but you would never speak to me again.
So, after an abundance of love, from family and friends, I have a great feeling about being 28 (yes mom, the rubber bands you sent actually *were* the highlight of the day - nothing made me laugh as hard as the rubber bands included in the package). New job, new salary that goes with new job, new gun law allowing me to purchase a handgun in Chicago... it's going to be my year. I can just feel it.
But if it helps you to quell the festering resentment you are feeling toward me and my luck, email me and I will pretend to tell you about the ugly, unhappy, secret disappointment of my life. Those are the lengths I will go to for our friendship. I lie because I care.
4 comments:
I was thinking about you when I heard all the stuff with the supreme court and the guns. Fabulous! Happy birthday, glad to hear it was so wonderful. I'll have to remember the surprise party trick for myself some year.
Hmm. Steph wants a surprise party, eh? Not on my watch.
So Charity, what kind of gun are you going to buy now that the 2nd amendment is back in force in Chicago?
I'm thinking S&W 357 revolver, because for some unknown reason that seems like a classic in my mind... no, I need to get out to one of the gun shops in the suburbs and try a few out. But I'm leaning toward some kind of revolver.
Revolver sounds so much cooler than plain ol' gun.
I thought it was a Morgan law that there were to be NO SURPRISE PARTIES! It's one of the reasons I felt safe marrying your brother...and coupled with that is "No-singing-waiters-in-restaurants-at-birthday-dinners".
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